Black Friday
by anniegirl132
Summary: Black Friday, the most hectic and crazy shopping day of the year. And Akatsuki participate as well, sending out one team to do the organization's shopping each year. This time it happens to be the two artists of Akatsuki. Will they survive the crazy shoppers and still get what everyone wants? Rated T for violence.


**Black Friday**

**. . . . . **

**So, on Thursday I went to an early Black Friday sale and it was CRAZY! So, then this idea came to me and I wrote this story in honor of the craziness of Black Friday! ^_^**

**And also, I've censored out all cursing.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto**

**Also, all of the store and brand name item's names in this story are made up because they probably don't have the same stores and stuff as us in the ninja world. Except I am giving them cars and some other modern day stuff….**

**Hope you like it!**

**. . . . . .**

"Alright everyone, line up!" Konan called from her position standing next to Pein in the Akatsuki base's living room. All of the members lined up as ordered, looking at their feet in apprehension.

"Okay, so the team doing the Black Friday shopping is…" she paused for dramatic effect as all of the members silently prayed for her not to say their name.

"Sasori and Deidara!" she called out happily.

"Dang it un!" Deidara shouted stomping his foot as all the other members, excluding Sasori, celebrated that it wasn't them.

"This is all your fault brat," Sasori muttered, glaring at his younger partner.

"How is it my fault un!?" he shouted back.

"Because you're a brat!" Sasori retorted.

"That has nothing to do with this un!" he screeched.

"Well-"Pein cut Sasori off, shoving a long list in his hand.

"Here you go. This is everything that everyone wants and where to get it. Konan also said to pick up anything useful looking that's on sale," Pein said as he began to push them to the door.

"Fine," Sasori sighed in defeat as Pein closed the door on them.

"Make one of your birds so we can get this over with quickly," Sasori said turning to Deidara.

"Ok un." Quickly a bird was made and they were off to their first stop.

. . . . .

"How many people are here un!?" Deidara gasped in disbelief as they tried to find a parking spot in the largest store in town, Sam's Super Store of Stuff.

"Look brat, there's a parking place!' Sasori shouted, pointing at an open spot fairly close to the front of the parking lot. Deidara turned his bird and made it dive for the spot but a large orange car pulled in to the spot right before he could land.

"Jerk un!" Deidara shouted at the car before flying back in the air to find another spot.

"Come on brat this is taking forever," Sasori grumbled.

"Well, there are no open spots un!"

"Then find one!"

"There are none!"

"Then. Find. One. Brat." Sasori said slowly.

"Fine un!' Deidara shouted back, taking a U-turn and landing right on top of a small white car, crushing the poor vehicle. The two hopped off and began walking to the store.

"Watch out brat!' Sasori shouted, yanking Deidara out of the way just as a car went speeding by right where he had been.

"Geez, what is wrong with people un?" he muttered as they made their way to the entrance. Sasori looked around and frowned in annoyance when he saw several small devices surrounding the store.

"What are those things?" Sasori asked the door greeter standing outside.

"Oh, we've had problems with shinobi's using their chakra to take items from civilians, so most stores have these up to seal their chakra while they're inside," he answered.

Deidara groaned quietly as the two walked inside; chakra was the only reason they didn't get trampled the last time they had to do the shopping.

"We're gonna get trampled un," he whimpered silently, causing Sasori to scowl at him.

"We'll be fine brat, it's not that ba-"Sasori paused, both of the artist eyes widening as they entered the store.

"And I thought there were a lot of cars un," Deidara muttered.

"Let's go try and get the items," Sasori said, walking into the sea of deranged shoppers.

"What's the first thing we need to get un?" Deidara asked as he pushed through the crowd in an attempt to catch up with his partner.

"The first thing we need is…" he paused, checking the list, "Cooking utensils for Konan." The two made their way through the crowd to aisle where all of the cookware was located.

"No that is mine!" A brunette screeched as she tackled another woman to the ground, trying to yank a wooden spoon from her grasp.

"I had it first you hag!" The lady screeched, throwing the other woman off of her.

"Don't you lie to me," the other woman yelled, charging at the other woman.

Quietly walking past them, Deidara reached for a kitchen set that had several utensils in one set when he was suddenly tackle to the ground by three other women.

"Hey back off lady, I saw that first!" one of them yelled, pulling at his hair.

"I am not a girl un!" he shouted as tried to get away, only to be yanked back by his hair.

"I don't care what you are, that is mine! Not anyone else's!" another one of the woman yelled as she pulled Deidara's arm behind his back and sat on him.

"Sasori danna, help me un!" he pleaded, yelping when one of the ladies jerked back on his hair again. Sasori just stared at the scene before him, his eyes slightly wide, before walking over. He grabbed the item the women were fighting over before grabbing his partner's wrist and yanking him from their grasp. As they walked off the women continued to fight each other, not even realizing that the item they were fighting over was already gone.

"Thanks un," Deidara said while Sasori checked the list again.

"No problem. The next item on the list is some books for Itachi," he read off and the two began to walk in that direction.

"Let's just hope the people there aren't so.. rabid un," Deidara muttered as he followed behind his danna to the book aisle. When they entered the book section, they were met with several people frantically searching the books and quickly throwing them in their shopping baskets.

"Hurry brat, grab something!" Sasori said, already grabbing a book at random.

"Ok un!" he shouted, trying to take a large book from the shelf only to have it yanked out of his grasp by one of the other people in the aisle. Growling in frustration, he punched the man in the face, breaking the circular shades he was wearing, and grabbed the book from him. He was about to walk back to Sasori when the guy, who was now on the floor from the impact of the punch, grabbed Deidara's ankle causing him to trip and fall face first onto the ground. The guy then grabbed the book and ran back to his shopping cart before searching for yet another one.

"Jerk un," Deidara grumbled, grabbing a different book from the shelf and handing it to Sasori.

"What's next un?" he asked.

"The last things we need from this store are a new TV for the living room and some gaming systems and games," he answered.

"It just had to be electronics," the blonde said miserably as he followed Sasori to the area where all of the televisions were kept.

"Listen brat, you get the TV and game systems and I'll get the games," Sasori said, already beginning to walk off in that direction.

"Wait, but-"Deidara began, but Sasori was already gone. Sighing in defeat, he walked off to go find a game system first since it would be easier to carry. He pushed through the large crowds of people to the shelves where the games systems were kept only to see none left.

"Dang it un!" he quickly looked around and smirked when he saw a kid about his age loosely holding one of the gaming systems, waiting in line.

"Perfect." He whispered to himself, beginning to sneak up behind Chouji.

"I'll be taking that," he announced, grabbing it from his hands.

"Hey that's mine!" he shouted, clenching his fists.

"Too bad, I'm taking it un," Deidara said smirking as the kid twitched slightly.

"HEY!" Chouji shouted before pouncing on Deidara.

"AHHH! Get it off of me! Get it off me! I'm being crushed un!" he screeched as the kid sat on him trying to pry the game system from his hands.

" ARE YOU IMPLYING THAT I'M FAT!? I'M NOT FAT, I'M JUST BIG BONED! NOW GIVE ME BACK MY GAME!" he screamed, beginning to jump up and down on top of the poor blonde.

"Never!" he cried out but swore he could hear his ribs cracking from the kid jumping on top of him. It was then that he saw Sasori walking by holding a few games in his hands; luckily they also seemed to be for the game system he was trying to get.

"Danna he-"he tried to call out but was cut off as Chouji shoved his face into the ground and sat on his head. He tried calling out again but his voice was muffled by the floor. Then he was able to turn his face just enough to see the redhead approaching him. _Yes, I'm saved! _He thought happily.

"Hey brat, looks like you got the game system but you still need to find the TV. I'll be waiting by the checkout lines for you," he said before grabbing the gaming system from Deidara and walking off. And the blonde would have yelled at his partner except for the fact that his face was still being crushed into the ground. _Danna, why have you forsaken me!? _He called out in his head.

Growling in frustration, he used all of his strength and was finally able to push the thousand pound kid off of him.

"I'll remember this un!" he shouted at him, pointing an accusing finger in the kid's direction before running off to find a TV. As he entered the aisle, he saw a blonde in an orange jumpsuit talking to another kid with a bowl cut that was dressed completely in green. _Isn't that the Kyuubi jinchuuriki? _He briefly wondered as he entered the aisle. Sadly there was only one flat screen TV left and they were looking at it; the other TV was one of the much older versions.

"Naruto, do you think this flat screen is youthful enough?" Lee asked.

"Ne, I'm not sure a TV can be youthful Lee. But this one certainly is a good one," he said looking at it before adding," and it's the _only_ one left too."

"Yosh! Then we shall-"

"That TV is mine un!" Deidara cut them off, running up and standing in front of the television.

"Hey, but we were gonna buy it!" Naruto whined, making a pouty face.

"Well too bad un!" he shouted, grabbing the TV and running off only to have the weight of the item knock him over and fall on top of him.

"Well, it looks like it's ours now," Naruto snickered before he took the TV off of Deidara and away with Lee's help.

"Dang it un…" he mumbled, grabbing the smaller older TV and making his way to the front of the store where Sasori was waiting for him.

"What took you so long brat? And why did you get such an old version?" he asked, gesturing to the TV he was holding.

"The only flat screen they had left fell on top of me and then some kids took it. But at least they didn't let me be crushed like _someone_," he said, glaring at the puppet master.

"You can take care of yourself brat." He said rolling his eyes as they got into line.

"So, I-"he paused, his eyes widening at the line of about one hundred other people in front of them.

"We are _not _waiting in this line," Sasori said.

"Agreed un."

The two left the line before dashing out of the door. ON the way out, not wanting to be chased by ninja for stealing right now shoved the money to pay for the items into the door greeter's hands as they left. They ran to the middle of the parking lot and paused looking around for Deidara's clay bird.

"Where is it un?" he asked, looking around.

"How can you lose something that big?" Sasori groaned.

"Well you can see it either un!" the blonde retorted.

"Shut up! It's right over there!" Sasori shouted back just as he spotted the clay bird and pointed to it. And standing next to it was Tsunade.

"You're dead brat," Sasori said, smirking.

"You sound too happy about that danna un," he muttered, glaring at him slightly.

"Fine, fine. I'll distract her while you get the bird ready. Then you just need get us both out of here and to the next store," he said. The redhead then walked up to Tsunade and pulled her off to the side while Deidara quietly snuck past them and began to load what they bought onto the clay bird.

"Why did you park that _thing _on top of_ my_ car?" she asked him angrily, grabbing and lifting Sasori up by the collar of his shirt, and when he didn't answer immediately she punched him in the face. It took almost all of the self control he had not to hit her back and start a fight as he felt the wood his face was made from almost break. _Great, that's one more thing I have to repair when we get back to the base, _he thought dryly.

"I have no idea, that was definitely not where we landed it," he lied.

"Well then how did it get there?" she asked, dropping him and crossing her arms.

"Again, I don't know, maybe some crazy kids moved it there," Sasori answered, briefly wondering how no one seemed to recognize that they were Akatsuki.

"Crazy kids like you?"

"I will have you know that I'm not a kid," Sasori said, narrowing his eyes.

"Of course you are, you're only like what? Fifteen years old?" she said.

"I'm thirty-five," Sasori answered with an impassive expression.

"Now if you'll excuse us," he said, walking away and getting onto the clay bird, using her shocked state as a chance to get away.

"Hurry brat," he said, hoping to get away before she realized it.

"Okay un," he said, quickly making the bird take off into the air.

"Now where do we go un?" he asked as Sasori glanced back at the parking lot to make sure Tsunade hadn't found a way to follow them. Because, despite being a puppet, he could still feel where Tsunade had punched him, and it _hurt_, a lot.

"The Clothing Store," he answered after checking the list.

"Which one un?"

"The one called The Clothing Store."

"Oh un, that one."

"Obviously," Sasori muttered, rolling his eyes.

. . . . . .

"Dang, this place is almost as bad as the last," Deidara commented

"At least we found a parking place this time," the redhead said as they landed in an open spot.

"Yeah… But it's at the back of the parking lot un," he whined.

"You sound like a girl brat," he said as they got off of the bird and began to walk to the front of the store.

"Shut up un!"

"… Hey danna, what kind of clothes should we get for Konan?" Deidara asked as they entered the store, Sasori taking note that this one also had chakra sealing devices.

"What do you mean?"

"Well, like what kind of clothes does she wear un?" Deidara asked. And truthfully, Sasori didn't know. Probably the only one in Akatsuki who actually paid attention to her wardrobe would be Pein.

"I don't know."

"Hmm, how about we just buy a few different styles and then let her just find what she wants from what we got. Unless she put something specific on the list un," he suggested.

"She didn't list anything specific, but we can't try out too many styles," he answered.

"Why not un?"

"Because that would be a waste of money and you know how Kakuzu would react to that."

"Oh yeah… Well, let's just each grab a few things then meet up at the register un."

"Sounds good." And with that the two split up to go find some clothes.

Sasori, looked around the store, it was smaller than the last and thankfully only had about half as many customers. He hadn't had to really battle many people for items in the last store and was glad for that; but this time he feared he may end up like his partner, being crushed over something they both wanted to buy. That was one of the many reasons why Sasori hated shopping so much, especially on Black Friday. Whenever there was a sale people seemed to go crazy and completely loose themselves just to get an item at a slightly cheaper price than normal. He idly sifted through the clothes in a bin filled with colorful shirts in the center of the aisle he was in. He froze suddenly as the intercom came on with announcements.

"Attention all shoppers, the 9:00 to 10:00 sale has now begun. This sale includes all shirts, that is all," the intercom shut off as Sasori noticed a stampede of women running at him, or the clothing bin next to him to be more specific. Grabbing a few handfuls of the shirts, he gathered them in his arms and started to run to the checkout counter, hoping to make it there quickly only to be knocked over and trampled as half of the woman who didn't stop at the clothing bin ran to reach another aisle. Groaning as he felt several cracks in the wood on his back, he stood up began to make his way to the checkout line.

"Hey danna un," Deidara said, grinning slightly as he walked up to Sasori. The puppet master looked over at him with his usual impassive expression but was actually slightly surprised. His hair was all disheveled and tangled and when he turned around Sasori could see footprints on his back. But he had managed to grab a few shirts.

"Looks like you got trampled too," the redhead commented the obvious.

"Yeah. So, how many stores do we have to go to now?" He said as they moved up in the line.

"Only one more. The O'Neal's Weapons Depot," he answered.

"Good, "the blonde muttered as Sasori checked out. The two were able to leave and take off on their bird without incident, thankfully. As they reached and then entered the store they noticed that all of the weapons were surrounded by barbed wire that hung from the ceiling and yes, this store also had chakra sealers. As they walked in, making their way through the large crowd gathered there, that everyone in the store was a shinobi.

"Why is everything closed off," Sasori asked a boy standing next to him.

"The sale doesn't start until 10:00 and they don't want us getting the weapons until then," he answered, adding, "how troublesome," after a few seconds.

"HEY! IT'S YOU!" Chouji, who was standing next to him screamed, pointing at Deidara.

"OH NO UN! DON'T YOU DA-" Deidara began but was cut off as Chouji jumped at him, crushing the poor blonde for the second time that night.

"Chouji, what are you doing!?" Shikamaru asked, running over and trying to pull his friend off of Deidara.

"Danna! Save me un!" Deidara pleaded to his partner.

"Brat there is no way I'm getting him off of you," Sasori commented, not even moving to try and help Shikamaru get Chouji off of Deidara.

"Jeez, what did he do to make Chouji that angry?" a girl who looked strangely similar to Deidara asked Sasori.

"I'm not sure…" he muttered as Shikamaru finally got the fat kid off of his partner, who was now hiding behind him while glaring at Chouji.

"HE!" Chouji paused, pointing at Deidara," CALLED ME FAT!"

This caused Shikamaru and Ino to stare at the blonde wide eyed.

"You can never call him fat, he goes crazy. But I'm sure he'll calm down if you just apolo-" Ino said but was cut off by Deidara.

"Why should I apologize to him!? He's the one who sat on my head!" he practically screamed.

"Chouji," Shikamaru began, pinching the bridge of his nose in frustration," you can't _sit _on people."

"But he-"

"I don't care what he did! Now both of you apologize to each other," Ino interrupted, glaring at both of the guys.

"I'm sorry I sat on you," Chouji mumbled.

"I'm sorry I called you fat un," Deidara muttered back.

"Good, now that everything is settled, let's all wait _calmly _for the sale to begin," She said, giving both of them one last glare. They sat there in silence, looking around awkwardly until someone's voice finally came over the intercom announcing the beginning of the sale, then everything went crazy. People ran forward grabbing at the dangerous weapons, trying to get as many as they could. As everyone surged forward to the racks filled with weapons, Sasori and Deidara got separated and shoved to different areas of the store.

Deidara reached out to grab a katana and just as he put his hand on it he felt about three kunai hit him in the back.

"Those are mine!" the thrower yelled, tackling him to the ground before grabbing the sword and running off. He then turned to grab a few shuriken but jumped back as the same person who took the katana used said item to try and hit him again. This time only tearing his shirt and leafing a shallow cut on his stomach. Charging forward again, he swung down on his arm, taking it off.

"Stop that un!" he shouted in annoyance (and pain), pulling the kunai out his back with his remaining hand, throwing them at the other shinobi and then kicking him away immediately after he blocked. He ran down the aisle, cautiously looking around before grabbing several shuriken and kunai then moving on to try and get a katana or two. As he reached out for one he once again felt weapons hitting him, but this time from his left side. He turned to glare at the person who had attacked him before one again, pulling the weapons out and throwing them at the person before grabbing the katana and two others.

"That should be enough un," he muttered to himself before making his way through the chaos to try and reach the register. On the way he did get hit be a few more stray weapons but somehow managed to get to the checkout with all of his body parts, excluding his arm (which he had stored away in a storage scroll so Kakuzu could stitch it back on later), intact.

"Um are you ok sir?" the guy asked uncertainly as he checked out the items before handing them back to Deidara who put them in a storage scroll where he had the other items that they had bought last night.

"Of course I'm fine, I'm only missing an arm," he said sarcastically, rolling his eyes.

"Oh that's good," he said smiling. _Idiot,_ Deidara thought as he walked to the entrance where his partner was waiting. When Deidara got to him, the two looked each other over, both shocked at the other's appearance.

Deidara had blood splattered everywhere and his arm was missing. His hair was disheveled and he has several rips in his clothes where he had been hit by weapons. Sasori looked a little bit better since he was a puppet but not by much. He was missing half of one of his legs and there were also rip marks along the arms of his clothes where the wood was broken.

"Come on," Sasori said to break the silence, and the two left the store, got onto Deidara's bird, and were off.

"Here," Sasori said, pulling out some bandages and beginning to tie off what was left of Deidara's arm to stop the bleeding at they flew back to the Akatsuki's base.

"Thanks un," Deidara said, smiling slightly.

"No problem brat," Sasori responded, also giving the blonde a small smile.

After landing in front of the base, Deidara made a on handed hand sign and the bird disappeared in a puff of smoke. Sasori walked up to their large boulder base and did the hand seals, allowing the two to walk in as Deidara pulled out the storage scroll that contained all of the items they had purchased.

"We're back un!" Deidara called as the boulder closed behind them. The two walked forward to the living room where all of the other members were waiting. There was a collective gasp when the two walked in as the other members took in their appearance.

"Well %$&, what happened to you guys?" Hidan spoke first.

"Black Friday shopping," Sasori answered.

"Is it seriously that bad guys?" Pein asked, referring to all of the members in general.

"Well, it's been pretty bad before, but never this bad," Kisame stated.

"$% #, blondie even lost a %#$% arm," Hidan muttered.

"Yeah, Kakuzu, will you stitch it back on please?" Deidara asked, looking over at the medic nin.

"Sure," he said getting off and Deidara followed him to the Akatsuki base's infirmary, handing Pein the storage scroll on the way there.

"Uh, yes. Sasori, you and Deidara can take a break to heal for a while…" Pein said, still a little shocked that Black Friday shopping ever got this bad.

"Right," Sasori said, leaving the room to go wait while Deidara got his arm stitched back on. Pein then turned to the scroll opening it up to see what the artists had managed to get.

"Well most of it's good..." Pein muttered.

"Yeah, but this #%$ TV is worse than the one we already % $# have," Hidan commented, glaring at it.

"But the gaming system isn't that % $# bad," he added, glancing at it.

"And at least half of these clothes are really ugly…" Konan mumbled.

"Tobi thinks their pretty!" the mask man, who had suddenly appeared out of nowhere, commented happily.

"Well then you can have the ones I don't want," Konan said, beginning to look through them to find something nice.

"The weapons seem to be good quality," Itachi said, inspecting one of the katana.

"And the cookware," Konan said.

. . . . . .

"Alright everyone, I have made a decision," Pein said to all of his members gathered before him. It had been a week since the Black Friday incident and he had been thinking about this decision since.

"I have decided that instead of sending only one team to do all of the Black Friday shopping, we all shall go next year," he said, looking at his members surprised, and some horrified, expressions.

"But then we'll all % $# get killed!" Hidan objected.

"Maybe not. If we go as a group we may be able to prevent each other from getting hurt," the leader explained.

"But-"

"My decision is final. That is all, you can go resume what you were doing," Pein said, leaving the room with Konan following behind him.

**. . . . . .**

**So, what'd you think? Like? Love? Hate? Please review and tell me what you thought of this story, constructive criticism is welcome. ^_^**


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